When I say that I love sucking cock I’m not saying it to stroke your ego or give you permission to enjoy this scene with a little less guilt. I actually, legitimately, love. Sucking. dick. in a way that is deeply rooted in my sexual awakening and the story I tell myself about how I ‘became a woman’. When I was younger, sucking cock was something I could do whilst retaining my precious virginity. Through giving head, I explored being sexual without actually having sex. And getting on my knees to deliver a blowjob was a great way to avoid being painfully finger-banged by boys who had no idea what they were doing. This is partly why you don’t see me getting fingered in my blowbang fantasy. I’ve come to positively associate blowjobs with a denial of my own pleasure… except that I gain pleasure from that very denial. Everything is always more complex than it appears. Yet, I’ve had quite a few fans ‘worry’ about my participation in a blowbang and about the ‘mistreatment’ and ‘submission’ it allegedly entails. As an interesting aside, these were not concerns raised by my growing female and feminist-identified fanbase. They were concerns raised by hetero cis-gendered male fans. The fact that I directed and produced the scene is not enough evidence of my desire to get on my knees and suck off seven guys. The anxious emails and posts on social media from white knights explain that they understand the ‘pressure’ I am under to perform in ‘harder’ scenes since porn is supposedly getting more and more explicit and that there is a ‘need' for me to up the ante to stay relevant. I anticipated this response, which is why I was so specific in the way I directed this scene so that there could be no way to mistake my agency, control and desire for pressure, fear or false consciousness. But it appears that the folk mythology that cloaks porn production in a blurry bukkake haze prevents some viewers from being able to analyse porn in the same way they analyse mainstream film; with a keen awareness of complexity and multiple and deeper meanings. There is a deceptive amount of work and decision making that goes into a scene that on the surface may look like I’m just on my knees for 30 minutes. Thus, I’ve decided to wipe away the jizz from concerned eyes and point out some of the ways I convey my own agency and desire while chocking on a penis. I enjoy having my face fucked, but one thing I was very particular about was that I wanted to communicate my active participation and enthusiasm in my first blowbang. For this reason, I asked the male talent to be passive, to refrain from thrusting their hips and to keep their hands behind their backs so that there would be no throat fucking until prompted. When they entered the space, they were directed to remain passive while I actively undid their jeans and exposed their cocks for me to devour. It is me that you see enthusiastically and energetically working their shafts and throating their cocks and it is not until almost the halfway mark (13:30 minutes in) that I demand they “Fuck my face!”; their cue that they may now become active participants. There are many other examples of my agency during this scene including my numerous demands for more cock, my refusal to be considered a whore without my consent and my unapologetic pride during my orgasm at the end - but I don’t want to break down every directed detail and end up demystifying the scene to the point of removing its masturbatory appeal. I hope that you enjoy watching this fantasy even half as much as I did fulfilling it!
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